My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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