Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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