i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
