My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
BRING THE BAGELS
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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