you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
