what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
