Will you blow on my dice?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
