What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
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