We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
