yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
