the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
