I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
