census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
