I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
