I'm gonna have a badass scar
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
