I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
