I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
