then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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