I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
