I must be too annoying 4 u.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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