You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
