ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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