I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
