I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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