Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
