I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
