i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
