And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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