Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
