so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
