i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
