I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
