even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
