my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
