Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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