Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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