butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
