look no pants
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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