I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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