we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
