as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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