i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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