There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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