i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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