It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
