Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
