there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
