We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
