it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
