You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
