What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
