dude i'm inner monologue high
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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