maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
