a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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