dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
