I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
