You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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